Was there anyone who “made your day”?
My daughter has a tiny Japanese friend who is really sweet and smiley. Although it’s undoubtedly racist as fuck, this child makes me love all Japanese people everywhere. She kind of made my day.
Are you liking how you look today?
It’s raining again. I can’t even pretend to like how I look in the rain. I just want to wear pajama pants and a tank top and drink whisky out of a plastic Ikea cup.
Do you have anyone crushing on you?
I’m 33. And I wear pajama pants at noon.
Have you ever eaten a bug?
Yes. I ate termites in Venezuela. They were crunchy.
Are you vegetarian?
Except for the bugs. And chicken wings. And grilled prawns. And Publix turkey sandwiches (six inch, wheat, mayo, mustard, lettuce, onion.)
When was the last time you kissed someone?
One of my British friends just today sat me down to explain to me the difference between a ‘kiss’ and a ‘snog’. (The word ‘snog’ is the least sexy word in the entire human language, btw.) I last kissed someone when I tucked my kids in. I’m not sure about the snog thing, but that sounds kind of nice. So long as he doesn’t want to talk or anything.
When was your last paycheck?
Are you closer to being rich or poor?
If we’re looking for global perspective, I’m rich. Given that I’m typing on a laptop that I own and my belly is full of cheap white wine and chips. On the other hand, I spend about three hours a day slapping mosquitos at a bus stop.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
What was the last gift someone gave you?
Last weekend when I was being a bitch, my husband bought me flowers. He said it seemed like I needed flowers. My luck is inexplicable.
Do you appreciate that person?
Jesus Christ, yes.
Did you talk to anyone you didn’t like today?
I like her just fine, but I’d rather have one of those transvaginal ultrasounds than have another conversation with her. You know how that goes.
Do you like picnics?
I fucking love picnics. So do my kids.
Have you finished school yet?
What is/was your worst subject?
I got a C+ in Biological Anthropology. Fucking monkeys.
Are you American?
Who are you voting for?
Do you like Bush?
I think of Bush as a metaphor for everything evil in the entire world. I know that makes me sound immature, but I can probably back it up.
Was his name even worth capitalizing?
Let’s not fuck with the rules of the language, eh?
What kind of mood are you in?
Manic. Irritable. Rage-y.
Are you waiting for anything?
Are you going to bed after this?
Oh my god. I totally am. My bed is currently without sheets though. When I complained of this to my daughter, she said, “Instead of putting sheets on your bed, you can just come sleep with me.” It’s tempting.
McCain or Obama?
I didn’t hate McCain anywhere near as much as I hated Bush. Still: size maternity, yo. (Oh my god. I can’t believe I was pregnant. Twice. Shudder. Here I am, walking around when I was supposed to be on bed rest. Because that baby in front of me? Mine. And at that time, probably 16 months old? Good times.)
What book are you currently reading?
Mother’s Milk, which I’m only just now realizing is the fourth in a series. Which may explain why I don’t give a shit about any of the characters.
Are you a very stressed out person?
How old is your mom?
Has your mom ever been on television or in the paper?
Oh my god, no.
Are you single?
Are you rich?
Did you honestly miss Melrose place?
I honestly never saw Melrose Place. I was of the 90210 generation. (I named my son Dylan. Because, obvi.)
Have you ever been to world trade center?
Guess what? Everywhere has a world trade center. I’ve been to lots of them. Not the one you’re talking about, though.
What is your favorite magazine?
How many times have you gone to a foreign country?
This question is awesome.
Do you watch football sundays?
No. And I pretty much moved my family 13 time zones away from home to guarantee that my husband never watches them either. Televised sports fill me with
What are your thoughts on Disney Channel?
We couldn’t afford it when I was a kid. My kids don’t know it’s a thing. (Is it still a thing?)
Do you like Techno?
There’s a time and a place for everything.
Do you like Dr.Phil?
See above. You know what I like best about Dr. Phil? The fact that he, essentially, practices psychology without a license. On air. And gets paid a fuckload more than all of the psychologists who didn’t have their licenses revoked for having had inappropriate relationships with clients. He’s a true American success story.
Do you like Oprah?
Oprah makes me want to self injure. With her freaking platitudes and her weird boyfriend and her freaking best-seller book club bullshit.
What is your favorite country?
Are the Jonas brothers cute?
I don’t know. I try not to look at the under-eighteen set. (are they still under eighteen?)
Are you afraid of the dark?
No. But I’ll confess to having nightmares about alligators more often than not.