It took me, like, ten years to give a shit about Instagram, but now that I’m a homeschooler, I use it. I don’t post much, because I take pretty shitty pictures, have no interest in selfies, and don’t really like too many people looking at my shit. But I do check in, at least once a day, to see what everyone else is doing.
I search by #homeschooling and #wildandfreechildren and #gooutside because these are three things that. . .uhhhh. . .kind of make up my world right now. I have got the nuts and bolts of a classical education down, and I know my kids are learning. Actually, it’s mind boggling how much they’re learning and how far they’ve come in such a short span of time. I’m totally enjoying overhearing them talk to their friends and realizing how far ahead my kiddos are in the quantifiables. (My six year old is ahead of her eight year old brother’s friends in math. Booyah.)
But none of that is why I pulled my kids out of school, and I’m less than certain about how I’m faring with the rest of it. The shit that actually matters. Like, having my kids out in nature. Having them manipulate their environments. Letting them be creative and wild and free (but somehow still understanding the teachings of Aristotle). I mean, I attempt all of this shit, but I don’t know how I’m doing with it all, and it’s easy for me to lose inspiration for it altogether.
So I cautiously look at Instagram and even Pinterest to see what other people are up to. Some of their pictures are breathtaking, and all of it needs to be consumed only when I’m feeling at least 50% confident. If my confidence dips below the halfway mark, I’m almost certainly going to be all, “I know jack shit about jack shit and my kids are going to be the weirdest, brokest, most homeless homeless people in the world EVER.” Or else, even worse, I’ll be all, “All of these people are fucking LIARS. NOTHING IS THIS PRETTY. NOTHING IS THIS EASY. YOUR KID DIDN’T MAKE THAT.”
But I’m not usually that bad off.
So anyway, the whole reason I’m writing this post is because I have noticed an unmet need in the online community when it comes to homeschool. Humor. Like, real, honest, dirty humor. When you search “Homeschool Humor”, you get lame shit (that I’m too lazy to source and copy and credit, so you’ll just have to trust me) like Kermit the Frog drinking a cup of tea and saying things like, “My first year of college was so easy. I remember it all from my sixth grade homeschool class.” That’s not funny. That’s, like, the opposite of funny. If you’re so smart you have to tell people how smart you are, you’re a fucking loser. You’ve gone too far in the smart department and you probably have no friends. This is not the type of people I’m hoping my kids become.
Or else you’ll see that weird kid in front of his computer and it’ll say stuff like, “Phone call? RECESS!” Because, ha ha, when the phone rings and mom answers, she can’t also teach you. I fucking pray to god that by the time my kid is that kid’s age, he won’t need me to stand over his shoulder to get his freaking work done. But even if he does, it’s still not funny. (Also? You really need to set that shit to silent during school time. That’s Homeschool 101, yo.)
The Ryan Gosling meme is funny. Kind of. Except it’s still more dorky than funny.
If you look online, my point is, you will think that all homeschoolers are big, fucking dorks. People who never drink, never swear, never get laid.
And this, THIS, my friends, is why my kids and I are lonely homeschoolers. If you know of any truly funny, gritty, “I get it” homeschool stuff, please send it my way.